I spent a lot of this past weekend reading and enjoying the sun.
And also, doing a lot of thinking.
I can’t help but notice a change in my personality since I’ve started reading the blogs I follow and writing my own. I feel like I’ve learned to finally love who I am physically, and that was something that I’ve always battled with.
The one part of my body that I have always hated were my legs. I have monster legs. Strong. Muscular. Thick. You name it. I have bad ass, tree trunk, solid legs. And I always have gotten picked on for them.
Not only have I been made fun of, but I’ve always had a hard time covering them up:
Shorts don’t fit me right. They ride. So when it’s grossly hot out, I have to run in pants or capris. I’ve spent more than half of my life playing soccer and having to deal with the uncomfortableness of constantly tugging at my shorts while I’m running/playing/practicing. It was embarrassing and annoying. I just LOOKED uncomfortable…like you just wanted to run over to me and give me some pants.
My mom made comments about them. My sister. My brother in law. And even recently a co-worker saw me in a skirt for the first time and said, “Wow, I can TELL you’re a soccer player….”
These legs that I have dammed, cursed, and hated for most of my teenage and adult life are finally getting the love they deserve.
I sat in our backyard yesterday with a book and the radio. I decided to take advantage of (gasp!) two FULL days of sunshine in Boston. I threw on a pair of slightly shorter, cotton shorts that any other normal sized legged person would wear without a second thought and a tube top and headed out when Dennis made a comment about how short my shorts were.
“What? Do I look bad or is it that they’re just short?”
Well, too damn bad, I thought. I never wear shorts and my legs want to see some sun.
I wasn’t mad at him because I knew what he was trying to say. He finds my legs to be attractive, so I know he wasn’t saying I’m fat. But his words made me think about all of this baggage that I’ve been carrying around for so many years. So much hatred toward these very body parts that have gotten me to so many places in my life. These same two stubs that are getting me across the finish line of my 15K next week.
These legs have been both a burden and a godsend.
They’re strong, they’re defined, and dammit, they WORK.
So this was a huge (sadly) revelation for me this weekend. I finally came to be at peace with the one part of my body that I’ve despised so much. Why? Because I have two legs that work. They work, they let me run, they let me walk, and….they WORK. Plain and simple.
I’ve wasted so much of my time preoccupied with the way they look and how I hate buying pants because I can never get a pair to fit me right (my legs are bigger than my waist and ass and it’s REALLY annoying) Skirts because they have to be cut just at the perfect spot. Bathing suits because, well, they show everything. And obviously shorts.
But it’s OK. I’m OK with the fact that I know they are a part of what makes me ME.
What makes me a soccer player.
What makes me a RUNNER.
So to celebrate, I went for a quick 3.5 mile run. I didn’t time it; I just ran. And why not? I run because I love it and it doesn’t always have to be a strain.
Now if I could just work on not talking so much….
And and I can’t forget that I had some amazing eats this weekend. Although I’m not taking pictures or discussing everything I eat anymore (for sanity’s sake) I will still post the things that I liked most. Or the “Yummy” things, as Polly would say.
I never eat eggs for breakfast. I enjoy eggs, don’t get me wrong, but they just never seem to fill me up. Every time I eat eggs, I’m hungry an hour or 2 later. Hell, sometimes I’m just still hungry and looking for more while I’m eating my last bite. So it’s this reason that I rarely eat them.
But Sunday morning I was in the mood. So I present you with: Sunday Morning Blues Omelet. (I listen to the Sunday Morning Blues show on the classic rock station)
- Three egg whites (yes I know – if I eat the whole egg I’ll probably stay fuller longer. No, doesn’t work for me)
- Spinach, onion, red pepper and fresh garlic cooked up with olive oil
- 1 oz (or so) of goat cheese
- pearl tomatoes
- 2 slices of Ezekiel toast with butter
- Cafe con Soy
Also, I wanted to share the second attempt at my John Harvard’s lentil salad.
- Baby spinach and arugula
- 1/2 cup lentils marinated in white balsamic and garlic
- cottage cheese
So good. I couldn’t eat the whole plate but it was excellent. We’ll see how I feel in an hour or two.
Also I have to share Caitlin’s video with you all. Caitlin’s blog is what started it all for me. I needed inspiration and I found it with her blog. I love her personality and I love how she keeps it real. She responds to every email I send and offers up only the best advice she can give upon request. Her site has grown into 2 sites, and she was fortunate enough to get media attention on her second site www.operationbeautiful.com. She’s very beautiful and amazing and I’m so happy that she’s doing so well with her goal to help others feel good about themselves and end Fat Talk. She rocks and she’s definitely helped me with my insecurities. Thanks Caitlin!